We could have been.
Somethings in the night sky
changed.

I longed to stare at the moon
but, it made me cry.
There's no moon in the
light of Day.

Light, a dear friend,
a severe enemy.
Do you want me to hate you?
I ask out of exasperation.

I would, if I could.
I say, My love won't let me.
Let me disappear,
But I can't.
I can't let you go.

Piano can play a soothing tune.
As of night, I can hear melodies
bu like always,
I got too excited and
I couldn't see anything.


I jumped from rock
across glade.
Into space speckled with
stars a million
and I barely got back.

Felt like dancing.

The music died down
and me, lost in the flurry
of my arms and legs moving
involuntarily,
haulted me in no-space.

Blood rushed around
before I could take a breath
and stop.

You took me by the arms
and dunked me into
an ice-cold river.
I shivered. My happy spirit
sank.
To my deepest attempts
to get my breath back,
I rush to the edge.

And feel the sun lash
against the skin of my
face
harder than the cold water
had.

I can understand
when you say I can't
blame my self.

But how can I not?
Does it not prove
that I didn't deserve to be
happy?
that I didn't deserve
you?

I can't believe I could
never see,
what you said to me
was a jest;
It was true and you
ment not in a way that would
cause me hurt.

I got fooled alright.
I believed in something that
like a comet
sped away.

Leaving in its wake a
forked, burned, twisted
path of hearts.

I could cry and cry and
fill the empty sky;

I could howl louder than
a storm,
let it scare the violent
winds away.

Betrayed in it's true form
is made of 2 words
as is treacherous,
One says cutting up
you true wishes.*

急死
(sudden death)

My heart's stopped working.

驚くべきことではない.
(not surprising)

Honestly it's a wonder
I don't feel like doing
anything.

I can only soothe myself
by writing a
sweet little
elegy.

Then I pray,
that you may find a love that
puts you back together.
A love you can be comfortable wit
and a way that won't fool others the way
it did.

I pump up the music,
dope, tranquillizer and
anesthetic.

I'll sleep it off.

Like a hangover, it'll heal
with hot tea and some
fresh air.

I don't regret that I loved you.

I just hope you don't regret
not holding on.

I know you want to protect
me.
Somehow I can't see.
How can you be like all the others
who were comet like too?
I thought you were different
much like a spring-born butterfly
that fluttered over the drab
concrete jungle.

疲れた.
(I'm tired.)

Let's meet only when I can.

I can say yes to you.


I really can.
I am full
I am strong
and I can love.


But once I do,
I will never regret.
Or would I?

Hamlet-like
I am strung
between two words.

Your shadow lingers
in my thoughts.

Words, stripped to alphabet
are hanging on white string
in my room.
The ceiling holds them,
like little puppets
they twirl and
torment
and calm.

The world behind my wall.
Do you think there is one?

You say you are.
But how do I be sure?!

Is this what they say
"FATED?"

I can hardly breath
or think straight.

They tell me it's golden
but so is hot iron.
It shines
and it burns.


On the tracks that
keep playing.
remind me that there is
hope.

And to think,
I am supplementing
the laws that worked
in ways that I never
want to believe in.

They say, it makes you believe in things that don't exist.
Is that true?
Existence.
It's a doubt.

Kick me,
maybe I'll find my direction.

I'm sick
and demented.
Wanting too much.
Guilty.


I'd wanted someone else's warmth
a day ago.
Am I making so that this works
and then I can blame it on you if it doesn't?

I can't do that.
It doesn't go with that
sincerity.

That look in your eyes.
It robbed me of my breath.
am I too cynical?


I must have lost my pink-tinted
glasses in the hallways.
deep labyrinthine thoughts.
I wish there was a full-stop hanging
around somewhere in my room.
I'd punctuate your thoughts.
Puncture them, quite precisely.

Don't kid me,
I don't lie.

I lived for a moment,
loved for the same.

do you love the moment we had,
or do you love me?


I can't tell either.
I just loved the way things were back then.

I put you thro' so much,
but you kept at it.
Each day everyday,
a scrap of communication.



to chronicle it all is stupid.
I may regret that too,
that a punctuation might be a breath
too hard,
a choice too quick.

You really give me no choice.
I have to accept what I cannot think about
don't I?

I asked that you fix my heart.

You want to fix my being.
Make it just right and
continue to flight high.


I will break your heart as many times
as you do.
Revenge isn't just medicine.
It's tourniquet.
Maybe you'll change my view.

But time.
timing is everything they say.
When did it start to matter
what they said?
It had perhaps begun
when you gave me that call.


I trust you.
Only an inch with my body.
You chose my heart.

pulled its string and tried to pull it apart.
But no,
It was EXERCISE.
Hell's sake.
What were you thinking?!

I can forgive and forget for a moment.

Did you think about what you said?
I curse your gut,
I cruse your gut for trusting and knowing.



Will I cave in?
I have a feeling I will.


Or do I want to?

For once give the controls to someone else.
Who cares.
Who wants me to open up the doors barred
up and locked,
latched away in side
the labyrinthine
mansion of a mind.


I'll fight.
Like I'd repeat.

Man enough or not.

I'd rather not.
Man?
Gosh. Its a pain to think about it all.


I'd rather be the winner.
I don't ask.
I'll do.